This page contains some of my favorite Engineer jokes

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table. 

  How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
  None. That's a second year subject.

 A few of my favorite "you may be an engineer if"'s......

1.If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

2.If Dilbert is your hero

3.If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

 4.If your cheque book always balances

5.If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers

6.If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory

7.If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians

and THE BEST OF THE LOT

8.If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

A Priest, a drunkard, and an Engineer were lined up at the Guillotine to be be-headed. They were given the choice to look up or to look facing down in the guillotine.

The priest said, "Well Heaven is up, so I'll look up, so I can see where I'm going." So they placed the Priest in the guillotine facing up and released the blade.The blade stopped just inches from the Priest, so they let him go thinking it was a miracle.

The drunkard thought , "Well if it worked for the Priest, it might work for me, "so they placed him in the guillotine looking up. They released the blade, and it stopped just inches from the drunkard, so they let him go thinking , this was also a miracle.

The Engineer thought, "Well why not?" So they put him in the guillotine looking up, and the Engineer said, "Oh I see your problem!" 

A POEM WRITTEN BY AN ELECTRICAL ENGINEER

I was alone and all was dark
Beneath me and above
My life was full of volts and amps
But not the spark of love

But now that your are here with me
My heart is overjoyed
You turn the square of my heart
Into a sinusoid

You load things from my memory
Onto my system's bus
My life was once assembly code
Now it's C++

I love the way you solder things
My circuits you can fix
The voltage across your diode is
much more than just point six

With your amps and resistors
You have built my integrator
I cannot survive without you
You are my function generator

You have charged my life, increased my gain
And made my maths discreet
And now I'll end my poem here
Control, Alt, and Delete

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